3 Tps for Keeping A Man Attracted

3 Tips For Keeping A Man Attracted

Have you ever wondered Why men can act so "hot and cold" and lose interest so quickly? A man will approach you, get your number, call and ask you out, take you out and tell you he had an amazing time... and then the phone never rings again. What's going on here? And here's something else bizarre about men...Why does a man who's been giving his love and affection to a woman and shared a great relationship suddenly change his mind and leave? Even if there wasn't some big moment that changed things? Interesting questions...

If you're like lots of women I've talked to, then you've had the experience of a man losing interest after a few dates, or leaving a more serious relationship unexpectedly for what seemed like no good reason. When this happens with a great guy who you could have seen an amazing future with, you end up wondering over and over about why he was really leaving... and you end up often feeling like you would be willing to do almost ANYTHING to get him to stay since he seemed like he was the right man for you. Unfortunately, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about here.

Read the scenarios below and nod your head silently if you can identify with any of these situations with men:

You met an incredible man and you really hit it off at the beginning. But the more time you spent with him, the less interested he became...but the MORE interested you became. You could feel the balance of power shifting, but there was nothing you could do about it. Eventually he just stopped calling and seeing you, but he never explained why in a way that made any sense...

You were seeing a man for several months, maybe even a year or so. Everything seemed fine. But then one day he came to you and said, "I don't know how I feel anymore, and I just need some time ALONE... it's not YOU, it's ME"... but, his time "alone" turned into him seeing some other woman that wasn't nearly the woman you are...

You were in a serious long-term relationship that had lasted more than a couple of years, and you were with the man you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with. Sure, you had your problems, but you knew that you'd always work through whatever came up, and he would stick by your side forever. Out of nowhere, he started acting strange and distant... he started to become more frustrated, cold, and sometimes angry... and no matter how hard you tried to make him feel better and do nice things, it only got worse. Then he dropped the bomb that he didn't love you anymore, and he was leaving. Or maybe he cheated on you, then told you as his way of breaking up...of course, there are a million variations of these basic situations, but I'll bet you can identify with at least one of them.

These situations SUCK... and the PAIN and the FRUSTRATION that comes up any time this happens to you with a man makes you wonder what all of your time, love, and attention was for. Did you waste it all on something you thought was special and real that he didn't share or feel the same way about? And how could you have not seen this in him? But the worst part of this for most women after the initial shock is over is the feeling of POWERLESSNESS that comes with a man doing and saying these things. You wish you would have had some warning or been able to see it coming so you wouldn't be so blindsided... or you could avoid it or do something to prevent it in the first place. It's bad enough having the man you like or love leave you... but to have to ALSO deal with the fact that you didn't even see or feel it coming and that there's NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT can be just plain depressing. Again, if you've been there, nod silently with me...Now let's talk about how to AVOID this kind of thing in the future.

IDENTIFYING THE REAL PROBLEMThe first thing you must realize in this type of situation with a man is that the problem you're dealing with isn't what you THINK it is. Most women naturally assume that a man is leaving them because they're not being "nice" or good enough in the relationship, or that they aren't giving him what he wants. Or they assume that this is just "one of those things that happens" because men don't get it, or that "feelings change" and that there's really nothing you could have done anyway. Well, these ideas, and almost all the others that most women think are DEAD WRONG.

Let me give you a hint.If you've had these kinds of situations happen to you more than once, then the reality is that:

1) There's likely a PATTERN going on here in YOUR LIFE that a man, or men in general, play just a small part in creating and living out with you.

2) As part of this pattern in your life, YOU are the one who is bringing the thinking and behavior that helps create these situations yourself...and you need to get rid of these old ways of doing things that don't work and throw them out before you're truly going to be able to grow and move forward in your love life. There's a great saying that I like to teach and share in my live seminars that I've heard from several other great teachers..."If you're not growing, your dying." Often times it's hard for you to see how the things you do when it comes to men, dating and relationships is really a lot of the exact same approaches that just look different since you're in a new situation. That's why it's time to start over and open your mind to a new way of seeing and doing things that will help you quickly grow and learn. And best of all... get you NEW RESULTS and OUTCOMES in your love life... such as a more fulfilling and lasting relationship. I'll share more on how to start out on your own growth path in your love life later...

YOU CAN'T SOLVE IT WITH MORE OF THE SAMENow I want to talk about the critical things to NOT do when it comes to men and dating. I know that this is going to sound pretty obvious, but if what you're doing isn't working in a particular situation, you need to STOP. Don't keep doing what's NOT working for you. In other words, if the man you like or love is breaking up with you and you've been being nice to him, doing whatever he wants, trying to convince him to stay, feeling so hurt and upset that you cry when you see or talk to him, or telling him that you'll do anything to make it better and be "available" to him however he wants you if he'll stay... then you need to STOP. Stop it right now. Whatever it is you're doing that isn't working actually IS the thing that ISN'T WORKING. Duh. So stop it now. Doing more of the same is only going to get you more of what is already happening. I know this sounds obvious, but I'm not telling you because I can't think of anything else to say.

he single BIGGEST CHALLENGE getting them started on their new path where they start doing things that work well and feel great for them is to simply get them to STOP what they've been doing for years and years that isn't working.

Have you ever been dating a guy and things were going great, and then something came up or you saw something in him or your relationship that freaked you out... and you ended up feeling hurt or scared and you let your emotions get the best of you and you "lost it" on the man you were with? And afterwards, things didn't seem to really be the same between you ever again? It was almost like in that moment he saw or felt something from you that kept him from ever getting close or opening up to you again. If you've had this happen, then I can help you avoid this in the future... and know how to get things back on track no matter what happened in the past. I can help you stop doing what isn't working for you with men in your life. And I'm going to give you an easy way to get started with the growth and change that will get you there...I want you to do something for me right now. I want you to take out a piece of paper and a pen and write something down. I'm serious about this, so go get a pen and a piece of paper right now something to write on, let's get started.

STEP 1)I want you to first write down the most recent situation you had with a man that didn't work. Start by writing the man's name. And then below his name, write out what your situation or relationship was when it was good in 1-2 short sentences. Yours might look something like this... "Mark" "Mark was interested and attracted to me, and we had great chemistry. He would call me all the time, we'd share great conversations, and we had some amazing times together." Now go ahead and write down briefly in a couple of short sentences what your situation was like when it was great.

STEP 2)Now I want you to write down how YOU and YOUR behavior and thinking changed as your situation or relationship started to change or end. And again, do this in 1-2 short sentences. It might look something like this..."I started getting worried and anxious all the time, and I tried to talk to him about what was going on and how he felt. And I got upset or frustrated with him and lost my composure several times." Go ahead and write down how your own thinking and behavior changed in a few short sentences.

STEP 3)Ok, now I want you to take a look at what you've written in the last step about how your behavior and thinking changed... and I want you to do something that is going to be VERY SIMPLE for you, yet VERY POWERFUL. I want you to write down the 2 things that you are going to STOP DOING with men in the future. Look at what you did, said, or thought in the past right now, and I want you to see how these things didn't work for you... and I want you to write out clearly what the 2 things are for you that you're going to STOP DOING in the future. Go ahead and write these down now.

Now you've got some "actionable" things to go out and use to create a better situation for yourself with a man. Keep these 2 things and make sure to look at them every so often. They are going to be big keys for you if you can keep them in mind.

THE IMPORTANCE OF ATTRACTION WITH A MANOne of the main reasons why I talk about and teach the concept of ATTRACTION is that when it comes to situations where a man changes the way he's acting with you, or starts to feel differently about you... the REAL underlying reason for this, is usually that the man doesn't feel that intense level of ATTRACTION for you anymore. And this is especially true early on when you're just "dating". When you boil it all down... when a man has asked you out, takes you out on a few dates that you felt were great, and then STOPS calling and asking you out... he just plain isn't FEELING IT for you anymore. Now, a man will say and do all kinds of things OTHER than telling you that this is what's going on for him. In fact, men have a million things in their heads that keep them from being able to tell a woman what they're feeling. (That is, if they even consciously know that this is what's really going on inside their own head)Instead, men will "rationalize" what's going on inside them and think or say things like- "I can't tell her how I REALLY feel because I don't want to hurt her feelings that way"... Or, "I can't tell her what's going on because I can't really explain it and I don't want to deal with the conversation"... Or, "It's just easier if I walk away and don't say anything". NOt fun stuff. The thing is, when you take away all of the B.S. and you get right to the core of what's going on, you'll usually find that it all boils down to ATTRACTION... or, more specifically, the LACK of ATTRACTION. I'm going to say something that's pretty bold right now. Get ready. If you don't know how to make a man feel the GUT LEVEL physical and emotional response called ATTRACTION, then you are always going to have a high level of UNCERTAINTY and INSECURITY in dating and relationships...And you will very likely have men leave you and be "wishy-washy" about being with you for the rest of your life. More to the point- there is no making up for it in other ways with a man if you don't happen to "get it" in the ATTRACTION department. As I'm sure you already know, men can be very "hot and cold" in a moments notice. The reality is that a man doesn't sit there and think to himself - "Gee, should I be into this woman? Or should I stop wanting her?" That's not the way it works at all. A man simply KNOWS if he FEELS IT for a woman because he feels it or he doesn't. And when he doesn't anymore, then it spells DISASTER for the relationship you were trying to build. But guess what all this means? Believe it or not, this is GOOD NEWS. But how in the world could it be good news? Because it's YOU who can make a man feel the powerful, gut level, intense kind of ATTRACTION that will have him begging you for your time and attention... or not. YOU are the one who creates this feeling in him. And YOU are the one who can make it go away. In other words, even though you might not see or know it right now... you have a lot of POWER with a man. And if you choose, you can use this "power" in a great and authentic way with the man in your life to create amazing situations that will naturally lead him to wanting a loving relationship with you that's filled with passion because of his intense desire to be with you and be close to you. Wouldn't it be great to have a man feeling so strongly about you that he was literally pushing you and your relationship forward on his own because he couldn't stand the idea of not being the only man in your life? Would you want to know how some women get to experience this with the man in their life and seem to "have it easy"... while other women NEVER get to have this situation?

FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM, NOT THE SYMPTOMSHere's something I want you to think about that relates to men, love and relationships...When it comes to health and medicine, there are a few different approaches that doctors and caregivers take. One general approach is to try and get rid of the SYMPTOMS as possible. Basically this is to try and help the body feel better in the absence of symptoms that complicate or get in the way of the healing process. Sometimes this approach works. Another approach is to focus on the underlying PROBLEM or ILLNESS itself... and that by addressing this, all the other symptoms that have been going on will start to take care of themselves and quickly go away. This approach often has stronger and longer lasting results when it comes to your overall long term health and wellness. The thing is, if you're like most women, then you've had several serious relationships in your life where things were going well with a man... but then trouble started showing up and things quickly felt differently and changed. SYMPTOMS came up in your relationship...The man didn't act as interested anymore. Or he didn't call or make plans as much anymore. Or he wasn't as affectionate as he used to be. Or he seemed suddenly distant or withdrawn. It's here that most women make the mistake of trying to FIX what's going on.... when what they're trying to fix is really just a SYMPTOM of something else going on at a deeper level. So by trying to fix the SYMPTOMS, they end up wasting their time and energy, and they don't end up addressing the actual PROBLEM that's going on and is the source of all the other SYMPTOMS. Now, you're probably becoming aware of where I'm going with all this. The BEST way to deal with the common negative and frustrating SYMPTOMS that come up for you with men and dating if you're looking for growth, change, and new outcomes in your life... is to figure out how to SOLVE and PREVENT the actual PROBLEMS themselves that keep coming up for you with men. And... on an even bigger level... start figuring out what to do and what not to do in order to AVOID these problems BEFORE they go wrong again in the future. The truth is that trying to address all the SYMPTOMS with a man after the fact like lots of women do with men is sure to keep you busy and frustrated. There is a better way...A way to get right at the heart of the matter of what's going on between you and a man that will allow you to start creating what you want. A way to learn to keep the common negative situations that come up for you with men from happening in the first place, rather than try to figure out how to deal with the SYMPTOMS and hope things get better.

Here are a few pointers to get you started when it comes to "male psychology" and ATTRACTION:

Insight #1) Men are NEVER attracted to and stay with women who NEED them. Let me tell you something you might not have thought about...Did you know that a woman doesn't have to actually be "needy" for a man to feel like she's needy and get that "Ewwwwwww" feeling inside where he won't want to be around her much anymore? Here's the thing...A man has his own experience in the world that is different from most women's experience. Most successful, attractive men have met and spoken to A LOT of women in their lives. And over time, they've also talked to lots of women who unfortunately acted "needy" and clingy around them at some time or another, and it was a huge turn off. Well, imagine what it does to a man's perspective on women in general when he's had lots of women act this way around him when he's dated or been in a relationship? Although it isn't fair... a man will become VERY QUICK to see and identify things that women do around him as an indication of these same negative and unattractive needy qualities. The strange thing is that often times the more attractive and desirable a man is... then the more sensitive his "neediness radar" is because he's had lots of women act in a way with him that felt needy and desperate. Point being, if a woman does something that communicates any of these "needy" qualities to a man... then even if she isn't as needy as other women who might have acted in a similar way... a man is going to quickly judge the woman as overly needy and get that nstant bad feeling inside where he wants to get away from her. In case you aren't clear on it... a man won't feel ATTRACTION for a woman who communicates to him that she has to be with him and have a relationship in order to be happy and feel good. He might have some PHYSICAL ATTRACTION for a woman who acts this way... but a man will be very weary of becoming EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED with a woman who seems to have a lot of emotional "needs" from him early on. To a man, a woman who looks to him too much for emotional support or clarity on how she should feel and if things are good or not between them becomes the very definition of "needy" to him. Of course, most women aren't trying to communicate these things to a man and don't really feel 100% "needy" inside, but they end up communicating these things to a man ON ACCIDENT as they're trying to help their relationship grow and work.

But no matter what your intentions, if your behavior resembles the common things that other women do who are "needy" that men have seen or felt before... then a man will end up getting that negative and unattractive "needy" feeling from a woman anyways. Now, I know it doesn't seem very fair that a man will see you as needy even if you aren't. And I know that men should stop being so emotionally "gun-shy" and freaked out. But the reality is that for a man, it isn't a "conscious" and logical process when he gets that "Ewwwww" feeling inside that comes from thinking a woman is acting or being needy with him. It's just the way that a man responds in the moment on a deep emotional level without thinking. Of course, what lots of women end up doing is to try and be the opposite of needy, and be very generous and giving. To them, it makes sense on some level that if a man doesn't like a needy woman, then the exact opposite must work. WRONG. This doesn't help create the kind of ATTRACTION inside a man that will make him feel so into you that he'll want to spend all his time with you. Sure, if you dote on a man, flirt and pay him all kinds of attention to flatter him, and you do enough "nice" things for him, he may "fall" for you. But in that case it's not because he feels ATTRACTION for you. No. It's because he feels AFFECTION for you. And who wouldn't want to spend some time with someone who treats them this way. But the affection that a man will feel, and the quick and easy emotions he'll have from your attention can't be confused with a strong and deeper level of ATTRACTION. It's not the kind of ATTRACTION that lasts for longer than the attention your paying him and the ego-boost he's getting from you. That's another thing all together for a man.

Insight #2) Don't be PREDICTABLE. Predictability is a mortal sin when it comes to attraction. If a man can guess what you're going to do or say, you're being predictable. If he CAN'T guess what you're going to do or say, he'll always be wondering and thinking about you. Now, keep in mind that some men have gotten pretty good at predicting behavior from women. So if you're going to stop being predictable, then you're going to need to LEARN how if you're going to create a level of excitement and attraction with it. To begin with, PAUSE a tiny bit before you do and say things. Think about what you'd normally do, then DO SOMETHING ELSE. Throw in some crazy, off-the-wall stuff for good measure. And use humor and teasing when at all possible with a man. Men LOVE IT. The point is, being predictable is BAD BAD BADand instantly makes you seem like all the other women a man has met. If you're meeting a man and getting to know him, then don't let the 1st, 2nd, 3rd question you ask him be, "So what do you do for a living?" in a serious tone. This is exactly what every other woman in the world is asking an interesting, desirable, attractive men when they meet him. Think about what could be fun and unexpected.

Insight #3) Don't be BORING. Boring is the bastard child of Predictable. When you are SO predictable that NOTHING is new or different, then you are officially BORING. Boring is also the lack of adventure, passion, energy, imagination, humor, and ATTRACTION. Unfortunately, most women can act or talk about things when "dating" and their nervous that can end up being common, everyday really boring stuff. Talking about your job is boring. But talking about crazy office politics and a funny story about how ruthless one of your co-workers is isn't. Talking about your ex-boyfriend/husband, or your past relationships or your kids is boring. Even if they are interesting, cute, or have some drama to them. But talking about the worst pick-up line you ever got from a man isn't. Men love fun and humor. So much so, that it's often all the seek out in their "free time". So take it from me, BORING is BAD. I don't care WHAT you have to do to stop being boring, but do it. More important than what you do and talk about is HOW you do it and talk about it. There is a way to communicate with a man that prevents you from being boring. I suggest that you pay attention to the things you're learning from me so you "get it".

WHY MEN LOSE INTERESTOK, so to wrap, let me talk about one more thing...As I mentioned before, the REAL thing that causes men to LEAVE comes down to the woman in his life not understanding ATTRACTION and how to make him FEEL IT for her... whether it's on dates, or it's inside a relationship. Of course, this isn't the only reason out there for this... but it's by far and away the most important when it comes to men. And, as I mentioned, no man is EVER going to TELL this to you. Instead, he's just going to LEAVE. I realize that this particular topic usually winds up being the most important one, because once you find that amazing man and get something good going, you certainly don't want to LOSE him. And when you find yourself in the situation, and you realize that the man you're with is about to leave, or he already left... then you would basically do ANYTHING to stop it. Of course, at that point it's usually TOO LATE to do anything... which doesn't feel so great. So... One of the most important things you can do RIGHT NOW in your love life is to learn how and why men feel ATTRACTION for a woman... and how to make a man feel it for you.

5 things to stop worrying about

5 things to stop worrying about

Knock these common stresses off your list!

If someone tells you they don't worry about anything, they're probably not telling the truth. Worrying is a natural part of being human - in fact, it's our body's way of keeping us safe from harm. Of course, too much worrying, like too much of just about anything, can do more harm than good. Plus, in today's world, there's something new to worry about every single day. Not only does worrying wreak havoc on our minds and spirits, it's the single most unproductive thing we can do. So how do we stop?

How do we balance staying safe with driving ourselves nuts with useless worry? It's important to pay attention and recognize issues that we might have to face in the future - but instead of worrying, take the time to think through the issue and find a way to act on it. Here are the Top 5 things we needlessly worry about - and simple actions we can take to improve them:

Weight

If you're like most people carrying around a few extra pounds, you spend a lot of time worrying about how your weight is affecting everything from your health to your love life. But worrying isn't going to budge your bulge an inch. Like most issues people worry about, weight is something we tend to view as "all or nothing." We say to ourselves, "I need to lose 10 pounds or I might as well stay like this." Instead, focus on making small changes in your daily life, like walking more or controlling portion sizes. Losing even 10% of your current body weight will improve your health, give you a feeling of control over your own body - and significantly reduce your worries.

Health

Worried about those bad genes your Great Aunt Mildred left you? While genetics play a part in your long-term health, your own choices can do just as much to shape your future. It sounds simple, but eating right, staying active, doing yoga, hiking, laughing and seeing your doctor for regular preventative care can do a lot to battle a negative family health history - and release you from one more worrisome issue in the back of your mind.

Money

Money is another one of those "all or nothing" endeavors. Many people who spend sleepless nights worrying about how to get out of debt, pay monthly bills or enter retirement are the same people who take no steps to improve their financial situation. The idea is, if I'm already in debt, what's one more credit card going to hurt? Or, if I can't retire with a million dollars, why not at least enjoy myself now?

Even if superficially you've tricked yourself into thinking you're okay about your finances, your subconscious knows better - and at some level, your entire body is worrying about your wallet. To build resources for the future, realize that any little bit counts. Paying off high interest credit cards and putting away even a few hundred dollars a month doesn't seem like it will do much good, but it will actually go a long way in providing you with financial stability - and reduce your need for worry.

Work

Most working people today have one overwhelming worry: How will I ever get it all done? The truth is, you probably won't. We're working in an age where there are endless opportunities - and responsibilities. So just tackle the most important things, knowing that there will always be something small that can get done later. Once the priorities are taken care of, there's far less urgent work to do - and to worry about.

Love

The fear of not finding true love is one of the greatest worries of most single adults today. Again, instead of worrying, take action. Put yourself in the path of other single people as often as you can - join clubs, do volunteer work, go to parties and out to dinner. Beyond that - you can learn to enjoy being alone! All the energy you usually devote to worrying about being single can be rerouted back into you.

5 Ways to Lose a Man.....FAST

5 Ways To Lose A Man... Fast

Do you know how most women end up losing the man in their life? Do you know the reason most men end up losing interest in the woman who they used to be wild about? Do you know how to lose a man, and how to do it lightning-fast? How to lose a man is an interesting topic that there was an entire movie made aboout. But why would you want to know about how to LOSE a man? Well, I'm going to throw out a crazy idea for you to think about...I'm going to suggest that you are probably already an EXPERT at losing a man. In fact, it might just come naturally for you. For lots of women, this seems to be the case. But the real PROBLEM is that most women don't UNDERSTAND why they're so good at LOSING the man in their life. In other words, they walk through the world screwing up one situation after another and never realize just how good they are at being bad with understanding men. And they don't realize that by changing just a few key things they could change their lives and their experiences with men DRAMATICALLY. One great way to increase your success in life is to start REALIZING what you're doing. Most people call this AWARENESS. The point being, once you actually understand what you're doing and the results you're helping to create around you, you can CHANGE. So open your mind. Listen up. Start to become more aware as I share some things you're probably doing when it comes to men, dating, and relationships.

TYPICAL THINGS WOMEN DO WITH MEN

Try this on for size... What happens if a man expects you to act or behave a certain way that's "negative" and he doesn't like... and then you show up and act this way? Right. Not only does he not like the way you're being with him... but you're also doing something else that will have him seeing you in an even worse light...You'll be acting very PREDICTABLE and fulfilling all of the worst expectations a man might have about you, or about women in general. Here's something you might not have thought about- You, like lots of other women, are probably acting in a ways that are often very PREDICTABLE to men. In fact, PAINFULLY predictable. The thing is... as humans, we do basically the same things when we get into common situations as others, and we don't even realize it. Predictable responses to common situations happen often enough for most people that when we get around someone new in our life... we can often guess what's going to happen next. Part of this serves a useful purpose for us socially and in the way we relate and connect with each other. But part of it works entirely AGAINST US. Here's why being predictable can be so bad when it comes to men and dating...Look at this formula:

Predictable = Boring

Boring = Emotionally Flat

Emotionally Flat = No ATTRACTION No Attraction = No Interest or Attention or Affection From A Man

One of the VERY BEST ways to lose a man is to act or become very PREDICTABLE. A huge mistake women make that causes them to start acting predictable to men in negative ways is GIVING AWAY YOUR POWER or putting your life "on hold" for a man while you're trying to make sure your relationship is working. I'm not going to go into everything about this or how it works this second, but if you've dated a man seriously before... and you've later broken up with him, then odds are you've realized something like this that went on inside yourself. The reality is that men are NOT attracted to women who aren't living their lives in a fulfilling way. At least not HEALTHY AND ATTRACTVE MEN who would rather have NO RELATIONSHIP and be alone if they can't have the right kind of relationship for them. If you act or feel lonely or hopeless, or if you are waiting to share love with a man to start experiencing joy in your life, you are shooting yourself in the foot and getting in your own way in so many types of situations you can't even see it right now. But before we go on, I want to mention something VERY important. If you have a nasty case of the "waiting for a man to be happy" problem... Or you're holding on to your own personal version of the "I'm not happy because of what happend in my last relationship, and I can't trust or open up to a man again" story in your life... and you can't seem to get rid of it, then before you read the rest of this newsletter, go read THIS and move on to a better place in your own life for yourself and with a man... Here are a few examples of how women act PREDICTABLE, give too much of themselves away, and make about 129 other huge mistakes with men they've just met or are dating:

1) Calling Him All The Time. If you like or love someone, it's great to let them know, right? Yes and No. There's a way to let a man know you love him or you're thinking about him that will "fill his sails" and draw him even closer to you. And...There's a way to let a man know you love him or you're thinking about him that will end up making him feel like you're "needy" and clingy and he'll want space away from you. It's great if you feel so strongly for a man and you share such a great connection that you can't wait until the next time you talk. But even if you're not feeling "needy" about why you call a man all the time... a man will often PERCEIVE this as a sign of INSECURITY and NEEDINESS and actually start wanting to talk to you and be around you less and less. It usually feels like a good idea when the urge to call a man and get in touch comes up, and you don't want to play "games" or censor yourself. And if a man could just open up to you, then you could talk all the time and it would feel great and do wonders for your relationship. But the reality is that it almost NEVER works this way for HIM. Calling a man all the time and constantly wanting to talk, and to have him talk to you is a great way to lose a man before you even have him. And interestingly enough, it doesn't leave a man much space to be coming towards you and GIVING to you the attention and interest that he could be if he wasn't responding and reacting to you all the time. Some women are so busy giving and trying to communicate and be close to a man that they cover up all the space, time and opportunity where a man would otherwise be giving back to them. Of course, it takes slowing down and not acting on those little emotional and mental impulses all the time to create this kind of space...

2) Doing "Nice Things" And Favors For Him. What do lots of women do when they meet a guy that they "really like" and things are slow to come together? Well, they get into a series of long life conversation about schools and families and jobs and 100 other everyday things that everyone has going on in their lives... only to realize that it isn't creating ATTRACTION inside the man even though they're sharing with each other. He's completely "in his own head" and not paying much attention to them. So what do they do? They think to themselves, "I better come up with some way to connect with him as a woman to a man. Why don't I try and HELP HIM with some of the stuff he's having a hard time with. That way I can help him out with what's bothering him and he'll like me and know that I like him." I call this the "Super-Sized Friend Approach" where a woman tries to get a man to fall for her by being a kind of "super friend". If you've ever bought a man a gift for no other reason than the sole intent of getting them to like you, then you've done this one. (Kind of like how some men think that if they take a woman out to an expensive dinner or buy her fancy things that this will win her love and affection) But what does this REALLY communicate? What does this really do for a MAN when a woman tries to help him out with his own "burdens" in life? Does it make him start feeling ATTRACTION and LOVE for her? Or does it do something else? Doing this communicates a few different sublte things: A) That you're his "friend", and not a woman for him to want and desire. Men categorize and "compartmentalize" often. And they are also very cautious when it comes to women and REJECTION. If you're a man's friend and you keep trying to be an even better friend to try and get him to like you... you're only reinforcing your role as friends and you'll make it less and less likely that he'll ever think or try and do anything to break the "friend barrier" with you.

B) That you don't have the confidence or the ability to get him to spend time with you for NO REASON other than the fact that you'll be together... and that you must not be WORTH spending time with without some kind of bribe or "incentive" for him.

C) That you have to do things in order to win his LOVE and APPROVAL for you... and that you'll do anything including spending your precious time and energy helping him do even mundane everyday stuff in his life just so he'll like you. Seeking a man's approval by doing stuff even he wouldn't want to do only tells a man that you don't value yourself and your time...and so neither will he. Doing "nice favors", buying things for a man, or helping him out financially are all example of something that "sounds good" in the moment, and might be thoughtful and generous, but is BAD BAD BAD when it comes to dating, love, and attraction. Money doesn't make the man... just like money doesn't make the woman. And being "nice" doesn't work either.

3) Acting Like His Girlfriend From The Beginning. What's better than a nice, thoughtful woman who is loving and reassuring and nurturing from the very first date? Well, to a man lots of things are better...Like a woman that he doesn't even know if he should want "logically"... but he can't help it anyway. Or a woman he can't stop thinking about and can't quite figure out. Or a woman who is so ATTRACTIVE on a physical AND mental/emotional level that nothing else really seems to matter but wanting to be with her. But lots of women make the huge mistake of thinking that the way to "date" a man is really the same thing as being a good "girlfriend". Of course, this thought process isn't too conscious. It's just the way they act around a man. And it ends up ruining things before they even begin. The man is just starting to get to know her, and if he feels a "serious relationship" starting before he's even had time to figure out how he feels about this woman and if she'd be right for him... most of the time he'll pull away without any explanation. If you come on too strong too soon in terms of calling him "pet names", or staying home on Friday and Saturday nights, or naming your kids before you know each others last names... you'll appear just like every other predictable woman that has ever tried to figure out what a man and a relationship is all about before it even gets time to grow.

4) Telling Him How You "Feel" Too Early On. This might be one of my favorites because it feels so "right" and comes so naturally, but creates the wrong situations and dynamics with a man. I'm starting to think that women (and often times men too in their own way) must come with a mechanism that's wired in - that actually compels them to open their BIG FAT MOUTHS and screw things up when they're going well with a man. And do this in worse and worse ways the BETTER the man they're with. I'll call this the "Feeling Confessor" mechanism. It is triggered by strong feelings of attraction and emotion toward an unusually attractive and great man. I've talked to A LOT of attractive and desirable men in my life about their experiences with the women they've dated... and they all have one similar experience to share... For some UNKNOWN and UNGODLY reason, women just seem to LOVE telling great men how they FEEL within the first couple of dates. Maybe even within the first few hours. As you might realize, I get a lot of emails from women... And one of the common emails I get goes a little something like this:

"Christian, I met this incredible guy...he's smart, interesting, successful... and everything seemed to be going well... but I wasn't sure what he was feeling... and he acted in a way that confused me the other night... so I decided to ask him how he felt and share my feelings...and for some reason he reacted in a weird way and said that he needs some "space" and some "time to be alone"... I don't get it...." Again, when you do this you're making all kinds of huge mistakes...and basically doing everything you can do to LOSE him by playing right into the very things that aren't going to work for you, help you be your "best self", or create the OUTCOME you're looking for.

5) Keep Telling Him How You Feel When He Needs Space. And as if the last example wasn't painful enough, most women usually like to use this final "nail in the coffin" technique as well... Here's the situation:

You've met a guy you really like. Maybe you've gone out with him a few times. Doesn't matter. You do all the things you can think of to SCREW IT UP, and you finally succeed. You prove to him that you just don't get it, that you'll lose your composure quickly and easily and let it all out around him... and generally show him that you're easily scared and don't know how to handle yourself or what's going on between you. So he says, "I need some space" or "I need some time to myself". And what do most women do? Of course. They KEEP telling the man how they feel. They keep trying to "figure it all out". And they keep trying to understand and to feel understood. And they do it in 100 annoying ways that only make the man want to get farther away. The thought that most women have is, "If he only understood how I REALLY FELT ABOUT HIM, then he would see past all this and LOVE ME". It's painful just typing the words. So there you have it. Part of the magic formula for losing a man fast. Interesting, isn't it? But there's a much DEEPER message here. The message is this:

If you don't understand the process of how to make a man feel ATTRACTION for you, including the things to AVOID doing, then you're not going to have success. Not knowing how the things you're doing and saying affect a man makes it very difficult (or impossible) to create what you want with a man. And unfortunately, some women have a HUGEdisadvantage when it comes to men and dating...You have emotional responses to situations that take over your thinking and reasoning, and make you do all the wrong things. It's usually OURSELVES that best sabotage our own success in life. Don't let this get you down though...The GOOD NEWS is that it does NOT have to be this way. There is a BETTER way. If you found this particular discussion interesting, then you're probably ready to learn the DEEPER secrets of how to be more successful with men and dating. If you're ready to STOP losing men faster than you can meet them, then it's probably time for you to step up and get yourself an education about how to attract a man and KEEP him attracted. There's an old story that I love thinking about...It's about a student wandering from town to town looking for enlightenment. At each town he asks if anyone knows of a teacher who can show him the way, but he has noluck finding what he seeks. Finally, the student comes to a town and is told that there's a wise teacher up on the hill, and that he should go and knock on his door. The student goes up the hill and finds the teacher sitting at a table in his temple. The student walks in a takes a seat at the table and asks the teacher if he knows about enlightenment. The teacher says nothing, but puts a cup in front of the student and starts pouring tea into the cup. The student watches as the cup starts to fill up, and then spill over onto the table. The student then says, "Hey, stop. You're spilling the tea." The teacher then says, "That cup is like you." The student is perplexed and doesn't know what to say. The teacher says again, "That cup is like you. It is already full. Before you can take anything more in, we're going to have to empty out what's already filling it." If you're looking for quick answers or tips on how to make things work better when it comes to men, dating, and relationships... I have some for you. But the truth is that if you're finding yourself not only making some of the common mistakes I'm talking about... and you have some idea in the back of your mind that they are really coming from somewhere "deeper" inside you that's the source of why you get in your own way with men... then I want to give you more than answers. I want to help you get rid of what's already there that isn't working for you first. That way, once you clear away what isn't working and is blocking you from getting what you want... taking the right positive steps will be much much easier. Past loves, past relationships, and past situations with men can have painful and lasting affects on you. And if you don't make sure to heal all the things you might be carrying from the past, it's going to be tough to not bring those into each and every new relationship in your life.

5 ways to maintain your independence in love

5 ways to maintain your independence in love

Kill Your Co-Dependence

When you're in love, you devote so much time and energy to your partner that it's easy to make your whole life about that relationship. But if you lose yourself in another person, you'll hurt both yourself and the partnership. But it's easier said than done! Bringing the focus back to you may require some effort. You like spending time together, so why wouldn't you? Well, no matter how much you love being with your partner, you should make time to take care of yourself. Give a little TLC to these five things and you'll lead a happier, healthy life - and have a more fulfilling relationship.

Your body

Regular exercise is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. You don't have to run a marathon or spend hours in a gym to get the benefits of a workout. Instead, spend a few minutes of your lunch break taking a stroll in a local park. Or take a few minutes before bed to stretch your muscles or do a few yoga poses and breathing exercises. Scheduling a little "active alone time" into every day will make you look and feel better - and it'll help you mentally separate yourself from your relationship.

Roots

Maintaining your independence isn't just about creating more "alone time"- in fact, it often means spending more time with the people you love. When you get into a relationship, it's only natural that you spend less time with friends in order to make time in your life for your partner. But one sign of codependence is spending too much time with your partner and not enough with the rest of the people you love. Commit one night a week to hanging out with friends or one weekend morning having brunch with family members. Not only will you reconnect with lost loved ones, you'll appreciate your partner more when you do spend time together.

Heart and soul

Sometimes you give so much love and energy to your partner, it feels like you have nothing left to give to anyone else. But being in a relationship doesn't have to limit your ability to help other people. A great way to reclaim your independence is to commit to a charitable cause that's close to your heart. Devote some of your free time volunteering at a homeless or women's shelter, or visit a children's cancer ward at your local hospital. Join a local community group or participate in a fundraising walk. Not only will you carve out time apart from your relationship, but you'll feel better about yourself as an individual for the good work you're doing.

Spirituality counts

When you're in a relationship, it's easy to think you can get all of your spiritual nourishment from your partner. But it's just not possible. So, create some alone time for you and your spirit. You don't have to go to a church or a temple to reconnect with your spirituality - just take time to rest your mind and enjoy your life in the moment. Take a walk on the beach or a hike in the woods. Read a spiritual or self-help book or spend time meditating - even get a reading from a psychic to stay connected to your true purpose and self.

Learning more about yourself will help you grow into a stronger, more independent person. Not only will you be happier in the long run, in a healthy relationship, your partner will find your more attractive! And who knows where that could lead…

7 Secrets of Cooking with Wine

7 Secrets of Cooking With Wine

Raise a glass to this low-fat, high-flavor ingredient

Expert ColumnYou know those bottles of wine you picked up because they were on sale, and now you're wondering what you are going to do with them? I've got your answer: Cook and bake with the wine. You probably wouldn't want to cook with a special bottle of wine but those wild-card bottles collecting dust in the pantry -- why not?

When I think of wine, I think of a great fat substitute in recipes. I'm probably unusual in this regard, but I actually use wine more often in cooking than I do as a beverage with dinner.

When you take some of the fat out of dishes, you usually need to add another ingredient to replace the lost moisture. Here are some examples of how wine can do just that:

Instead of sautéing veggies in heaps of butter or oil, you can sauté them in a smaller amount of oil plus some wine for flavor and moisture. Instead of making a marinade with 1/2 cup of oil, decrease the oil to 1/4 cup and add 1/4 cup wine. Instead of adding 3/4 cup of oil to a cake mix recipe, add 3/4 cup of white or dessert wine to the batter.

Here are my favorite ways to use wine in light cooking:

Wine helps cook and add flavor to fish. Deep-fried fish dipped in tartar sauce, albeit tasty, defeats the nutritional purpose of eating fish. One way to add flavor and moisture to fish without adding fat is to cook it with wine. You can add wine to the pan while the fish is simmering, poach the fish over a saucepan of boiling wine, or drizzle fish with a tablespoon or two of wine and bake it in a foil package. Wine is a great ingredient in marinades. Wine is basically an acid ingredient (which helps tenderize the outside of the meat) and it has a lot of flavor. The wine-based marinade helps keep meat, poultry, or seafood moist while it cooks, too.

Wine can help cook and simmer foods. Add wine to dishes you're cooking in a skillet on the stove, in a slow cooker, or in the oven. Simmered along with the food, it adds flavor and moisture to whatever dish you're making.

Wine can be used in baking, too! For certain types of cakes, using wine or sherry in place of some of the fat not only lightens up the cake but adds complimentary flavors.

Raise a glass to this low-fat, high-flavor ingredient

You know those bottles of wine you picked up because they were on sale, and now you're wondering what you are going to do with them? I've got your answer: Cook and bake with the wine. You probably wouldn't want to cook with a special bottle of wine but those wild-card bottles collecting dust in the pantry -- why not?

When I think of wine, I think of a great fat substitute in recipes. I'm probably unusual in this regard, but I actually use wine more often in cooking than I do as a beverage with dinner.

When you take some of the fat out of dishes, you usually need to add another ingredient to replace the lost moisture. Here are some examples of how wine can do just that:

·Instead of sautéing veggies in heaps of butter or oil, you can sauté them in a smaller amount of oil plus some wine for flavor and moisture.

.Instead of making a marinade with 1/2 cup of oil, decrease the oil to 1/4 cup and add 1/4 cup wine.

·Instead of adding 3/4 cup of oil to a cake mix recipe, add 3/4 cup of white or dessert wine to the batter.

Here are my favorite ways to use wine in light cooking:

·Wine helps cook and add flavor to fish. Deep-fried fish dipped in tartar sauce, albeit tasty, defeats the nutritional purpose of eating fish. One way to add flavor and moisture to fish without adding fat is to cook it with wine. You can add wine to the pan while the fish is simmering, poach the fish over a saucepan of boiling wine, or drizzle fish with a tablespoon or two of wine and bake it in a foil package.

·Wine is a great ingredient in marinades. Wine is basically an acid ingredient (which helps tenderize the outside of the meat) and it has a lot of flavor. The wine-based marinade helps keep meat, poultry, or seafood moist while it cooks, too.

·Wine can help cook and simmer foods. Add wine to dishes you're cooking in a skillet on the stove, in a slow cooker, or in the oven. Simmered along with the food, it adds flavor and moisture to whatever dish you're making.

·Wine can be used in baking, too! For certain types of cakes, using wine or sherry in place of some of the fat not only lightens up the cake but adds complimentary flavors.

Ready to start experimenting with wine cookery? Here are seven basics you should know.

1. Play off the subtle flavors in wine.

Here are some of the subtle food-like flavors that can come through in wine -- which you may want to capitalize on by adding some to dishes containing these foods:

·White wine: melon, apple, pineapple, pear, citrus, vanilla, caramel, olives, and mushrooms

·Red wine: berries, peaches, currants, plums, cherries, oranges, chocolate, and coffee

2. Choosing dry vs. sweet

A very dry wine has very few natural sugars remaining, and is usually higher in alcohol. In contrast, the sweeter wines still contain a larger amount of natural sugar from the grapes. So choose the type of wine depending on the flavor you want in the dish you're making.

3. Tannins and acid

"Acid" is a term used to describe both red and white wines, and it refers to the sharp bite in the wine (much like you would experience with lemon juice or vinegar). Acid can help bring out the natural flavors in a mild food, such as fish (this is why fish is often served with an acidic wedge of lemon). Tannins are generally found in red wines; this word refers to the bitter element in the wine (similar to the bitterness you'll find in a strong cup of tea). The tannins in red wine pair well with strongly flavored dishes and hearty foods, like a nice juicy steak. "Tannins will act like palate cleansers when paired with foods high in protein, such as meat," says Marshall Rimann, host of The Wine Cellar, a radio show originating in Kansas City, Mo.

4. What type of wine should be used to cook which type of food?

Generally, it's thought that a light-flavored wine goes best with delicately flavored foods. It would follow that a bold-tasting wine might do well in a boldly flavored dish.

Don't be afraid to do your own thing, but generally, light-colored meats like chicken and fish, are paired with light-colored wines (white) while dark-colored meats, like beef, are paired with dark-colored wines (red). What about the "other white meat?" You can serve either red or white with pork, says Rimann. "Red dinner wines go well with hearty or highly seasoned foods, such as beef, pork, game, duck, goose, and pasta dishes, while white dinner wines tend to work with dishes containing chicken, turkey, fish, shellfish, ham, and veal," he says.

6. Consider the preparation

Rimann says it's important to consider not only the type of meat, but the way the meat is prepared when choosing a wine to use in cooking or serve at the table. For example, a dish heavy on the spices usually needs a full-bodied wine to stand up to it. One with a light or creamy sauce calls for a drier, light wine.

7. That last secret to cooking with wine: Have fun!

Feel free to experiment while cooking or baking with wine. Get creative, and try to invent new flavor combinations. And, after you've created something spectacular; don't forget to write down how you did it!

Here are a couple of recipes to get you started.

Merlot & Onion Roast

2 pounds beef top round roast, or similar (this roast is usually already trimmed of all visible fat)

Salt and pepper

8-10 garlic cloves

1 1/2 teaspoons canola or olive oil

3/4 cup French onion soup, condensed, from a can (such as Campbell's)

3/4 cup merlot (or other mellow red wine)

·If your roast is the rolled-up type, remove mesh or ties from surface and unroll the roast. Arrange garlic cloves evenly on top, and then sprinkle freshly ground salt and pepper over the top. Roll the roast up (but don't put any mesh or ties back on).

·Start heating the canola or olive oil in a medium nonstick frying pan over medium-high heat. When hot, add the rolled-up roast to the pan and let the bottom brown for a couple of minutes. Flip and brown the other side (a couple minutes more). Carefully place browned roast in slow cooker so that it remains rolled up.

·Pour onion soup concentrate and wine over the top. Cover and cook on LOW for about four hours.

Yield: 6 servings

Per serving: 240 calories, 33.5 g protein, 2 g carbohydrate, 7.9 g fat, 2.5 g saturated fat, 3.5 g monounsaturated fat, 7 g polyunsaturated fat, 78 mg cholesterol, 0.2 g fiber, 285 mg sodium. Calories from fat: 30%.

Chardonnay Spice Cake

1 box (18.25 oz) white cake mix

1 package (5 oz) instant vanilla pudding mix

1 teaspoon ground nutmeg

3/4 cup fat-free sour cream

3/4 cup chardonnay (or other white wine)

2 large eggs

1/2 cup egg substitute

.Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray the inside of a bundt pan with canola cooking spray, then dust with about 2 tablespoons of flour.

·Add cake mix, vanilla pudding mix, and nutmeg to mixing bowl and beat with electric mixer on LOW speed to blend well.

·Add the sour cream, wine, eggs, and egg substitute to mixing bowl and beat with mixer on medium speed for five minutes (scraping sides and bottom of bowl after a minute).

·Pour into prepared bundt pan and bake for 50 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Let cake cool on rack in pan for 10 minutes. Invert pan on serving plate carefully to release the cake. Serve.

Yield: 12 servings

Per serving: 259 calories, 5 g protein, 48 g carbohydrate, 5.5 g fat, 1 g saturated fat, 2.3 g monounsaturated fat, 1.9 g polyunsaturated fat, 35 mg cholesterol, 0.6 g fiber, 440 mg sodium. Calories from fat: 23%.